From: (Danny Ingram)
Newsgroups: soc.motss
Subject: Re: just came out
Date: 2 Sep 1996 12:31:53 GMT

Even after being out to my parents for almost 20 years the inability of my
dad to be comfortable with who I am still causes me great pain.  I was
recently surprised when planning my annual trip to Florida to visit my dad
that he would not allow my new partner to come with me.  I felt dirty and
ashamed.  It has taken me many years to learn to accept and love my self. 
It is surprising how much power I still allow my dad to control in my sense
of self perception.  I am very sorry that my father is hurt by my identity.
 But I am not responsible for my father's pain.  All I can do for him is to
let him know that I love him and always will.  I am responsible for my own
happiness, and when I have needed help in maintaining that happiness I have
actively sought help from support groups and counselors.    

I share this story because I think it is very important that you know that
you are not alone in your pain.  Your situation is not unique.  Many of us
have shared your experience.  I think it would be extremely beneficial if
you could find someone to talk to who is going through the same thing. 
That experience has been very healing for me in the past when I felt I was
alone and no one understood my pain.  You already possess the courage it
took to come out to your parents.  It is that same courage that will help
you get through this difficulty.  Do not be afraid to call on your courage.
 You have what it takes to survive and continue to grow.  

Even though it has been many years for me since I came out I am not too old
to recall the alienation and fear of a parent's rejection.  I am not too
old to recall the look of pain on my father's face.  It is something I
would have very much liked to have spared him.  But it was necessary for me
to tell him.  I loved him too much not to.  

You are not alone.  Others care.  I wish I could be there to hold you. 
That, too, is a feeling that is not unique.  

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